My life… with a few chickens thrown in for good measure

Archive for December, 2009

a quickie….

Again it’s been a busy week with no sign of slowing up.
To be honest I’ll be glad once all this circus dance currently being played out regarding Dad’s death stops.
Seriously! it stops me sleeping, focussing on how he died results in my mind replaying events over and over and over again. My brain feels like it’s churning those horrid memories, ‘what if’s’ , ‘should haves’, ‘could haves’ and ‘why didn’t i’s’ round and round like an industrial tumble dryer. I can’t make sense of any of it any more because when I think I have, another ‘but if’ rears its ugly head. I feel at fault. I’m not but I feel it. And being gagged until the inquest makes it even more difficult because I still can’t spill my guts and get it all out. I can’t put it all to bed.
oh and the xmas decorations are all up….I know it’s a crappy tree but my heart’s just not in it this year…bah humbug lol

I know it's a crappy tree but my heart's not in it this year

that's as good as it gets this year.